Being...lost in the fog (reflection 2019)

As I  reflect on my 2019, I have divided my reflection into many blogs;
Here is one of them.
I used to joke that....

But then (term four) I developed brain fog 

Put simply, brain fog is a term to describe mental fatigue. And, depending on how severe it is, it can impact your performance at work or school. Brain fog is undeniably frustrating: you know you can do exceptional work, but having no mental clarity can feel like running in slow motion (google search)

or as Chris Eyre asked:

(Am I) Was I mentally absent 

despite 

being physically present in the room?

Chris Eyre's book 'the elephant in the staffroom' How to reduce stress and improve teacher wellbeing stated:

'Teaching is a job that demands our emotional investment and energy. It is a psychological process as much as a physical one in the classroom. We ignore the psychological aspects of the job at our peril'. (pg 22)

I was mentally drained and stressed.  
Feeling like I was constantly in a battle against a climate of bias and shame.  Managing the experience of collective trauma and a personal trigger of exclusion.

  Eyre shares 'Explanations of how people become stressed typically involve three elements or steps'.



He also shared....pg 13...



Sadly how many teachers do tick the box... and I ticked many of these but had managed these through my wellbeing plan:

•  #oneword2019-MOMENT 
• connecting with my family and friends
• daily walking of my dog (and lots of hugs)
• being present (aware of being/doing one thing at a time)
• growing my mind and wellbeing passion- reading, digesting the information

I am usually a glass half full kind of girl and my #oneword2019 - moment, and Brene Brown research was all about ensuring that despite an unknown workload and an ongoing rumble I was feeling well .... but  term four, my glass became completely empty. 

I became lost in the fog.

Our October holidays I experienced a collective trauma with a group of our akonga that energy drained me. Being fragile

Sadly I was in a growing climate of negativity.

Eyre states (pg 102-103)that "as teachers we are exposed to a considerable deal of negativity most days, and it takes a great deal of energy to remain positive; we are swimming against the tide.....in order to understand (the importance of positive thinking) this, it is necessary to look at how negative thinking arises. Negative thinking is a response to threat and dangers. Our focus narrows on combating the danger, and we don't notice anything else. Our world literally narrows....our brain genuinely shows us the world differently when we are negative...we are creating a reality rather than viewing it."

The normal day to day negativity is manageable for most but when as a collective (a kura) negativity is linked to public criticism and already two terms of defence mode was being experienced ....






and looming change can bring assumption and  stress for all stakeholders; and fear can topple even the seemingly tight team. Many stakeholders remaining are probably going through this graph below....

 

pg 122 Chris Eyre  ( The elephant in the staffroom)

 reference the change curve

 (Elizabeth Kubler Ross) 

Our culture of care was perceived/experienced/assumed by many as being replaced by a  culture of fear- the climate cloudy for some, sunny for others bringing positive and negative bias and emotional bias.

Barry Glassner (sociologist) in his book, The culture of fear, states it is our perception of danger that has increased, not the actual level of risk. Glassner forecasts that people and organisations manipulate our perceptions and profit from our fears- has this happened with us? The possible loss of our vision? 

(I have added this to my audible list).

As I move into 2020, and  two week's holidays under my belt I am 

refilling my cup; 

....empowering me!

my thinking hat is coming back on and my unread books are being read and digested and connections being made growing my thinking from:

 climate/culture of shame ----------------- climate/culture of understanding

              and bias                                                                  and courage

My #oneword2020 is Listen (preceded with the action of notice the moment)

Listen without assumption

Listen with empathy

Listen with unconditional respect

 Courageously listen

Optimistically listen

Listen to my body

Mindfully listen

Listen to my friends

Listen to Maile

Listen to the moment

Listen to my words

Listen with my eyes 

etc

......