Being : "fitting in" or "belonging"

Over the summer I have enjoyed reading and learning with Brene Brown. My most recent book was  'Braving the wilderness'.  Chapter seven sparked my thinking and reflection about  inclusion and in particular 'fitting in and or 'belonging'. 

"If I get to be me, I belong,

If I have to be like you, I fit in"

My dog was the perfect example of this as a labrador staffy cross. While away at Benmore camping at Christmas (Sale's first ever camping holiday), sitting down at the lake edge watching the kids playing, a lady walked by, Sale was contented hanging out with us, the lady went to pat Sale, and a  growl came; labrador became staffy. 

"Wow she goes from cute to scary in a second" the lady responded. "Sorry she's not good with people she doesn't know" or she only trusts the people in her tribe.

 

Salehabanu, my beautiful, loyal, stubborn girl of nearly 12 years.

All my life I have been desperate for a dog; growing up we weren't allowed one. So when I brought my house I saved a dog from trademe. I got Sale at 10 months old from a Chinese lady whose partner had returned to China.  I fell in love with 'Doh' straight away and 10 minutes later she was in my car. She was renamed Salehabanu after a student who I taught in London.  

500 metres from my house is a dog park; Sale was trained; could sit, wait (most of the time)  but she  hadn't had much time out of the previous owner's back path. At the dog park she loved to get chased but if anydog came between me and her she would 'bark' with spit flying. One such day a man told us off because he thought with this spit on his dog's fur that she had made teeth-contact. Sale didn't belong here at this time.

Sale became a lab with lots of staffy; her head and her swag became prominent outside of ours and tribe-member's homes, people  looked at her warily. She became more reactive post earthquakes, and struggled to share the beach and park; and the new red-zones became our place of choice where she was able to run free amongst the geese and I had 360 degree view of people or dogs coming into our space.

At the same time I got Sale,  in my class was a boy who also liked to run; flight or fight. Initially he would escape anxious moments by climbing up a tree until one day he picked up a 'four by two' and hit his tormenter in the head. This caused an outrage at school but for me I had empathy for this boy and his mother. This was when I understood anxiety and the perils of it. I was experiencing it with a dog who didn't fit in or in someways couldn't be trusted because of anxiety and reaction. 

This was when I redesigned our classroom to be collaborative. The desks became empty and in 2 big groups so that we could have circle time throughout the day. Ownership of desks did not belong. Books were placed in baskets and pens/ pencils were shared. Students were encouraged to work with others but not forced. Friends were encouraged, worked on. Games were a big part of our day with jigsaws and collaborative/integrated tasks open throughout the day. Whole class teaching didn't happen and group work happened all the time. Hui and fono were also everyday as we built a class on voice, self-managing and 'fingers-crossed' belonging.

"Belonging is being somewhere you want to be and they want you,

Fitting in is being somewhere you want to be but they don't care one way or the other"

Brene Brown

Now, today.... two boys come to mind in our learning space, both because of their relationship posts I regularly get. One looks different and one is new (late last year) to the school. I feel both are trying to fit in, and do they feel they belng?

At Haeata one of our values is:

Edged in my brain is this 'fitting in or belonging' and the impact of this.

One lunch time a couple of weeks ago, one of the boys I'm reflecting on sat in our collaborative building. Like many before him he connected his phone to the tv so he could play his music of choice through a speaker. His space was also close to the space many Kaiako choose to spend their lunchtime chatting and eating in. In the 30 minute period that I sat nearby, the tv he was connected to was turned off four times. Why? I stepped in four times to speak to the students, supposedly because they didn't like the "student's" music. His music was in no way offensive and really was it the music or the student.


In Helen Street's book 'Contextual Wellbeing', chapter seven addresses Building cohesion. She states ' Cohesion is the powerful social glue that turns us from human beings into people.'  This student who was targeted for his music looks different to many and he struggles to have healthy relationships with his peers because of his inappropriateness at times in both words and actions. But in reality is this his way of trying to fit in? Others can play their music, swear, do hand gestures and have inappropriate conversations. Is his targeting because of his behaviours or because of his looks?

Dr Street shares "In the language of social psychology, social cohesion develops out of 'personal attraction' between members of any given group and the sharing of rules and norms within that group. 'Personal attraction is a term used to represent a liking for others based on shared traits and goals, and a sense of belonging to the group as a whole."

"Belonging is being accepted for you, Fitting in is being accepted for            being like everyone else "

Brene Brown

What does this really look like at school?  In both our modern learning spaces and single-cell classes, is it easier in one than the other? What role does the Kaiako play?  Dr Street states " foremost, teachers need to develop positive relationships with all of their students....The teacher's first skills must be to know how to listen, how to guide students socially and emotionally and how to help outsiders come in from the cold". 

How does this happen in a learning space with over 400 students and 30 kaiako? Are we as Kaiako  biased by our relationships with some students rather than others and is there such a thing as relationship bias? (This is a space I would like to explore more about- please leave comments if you can support me in this- blog to come). Do we listen better to others? Do some of our students consider us part of their tribe and play us? Do we normalise some behaviour for some students and complain about similar behaviour in others?

Dr Helen Street refers to it being the "established norms that guide the behaviour of those who feel they belong. Rules are written down and made explicit whereas norms are established through the repetition of certain behaviours and reinforced with every element of social context. Norms are the true behavioural guides within any group....Norms develop through repeating desired behaviours and contextual support not through repeated verbal reminders."

She goes on to continue " Normative behaviour can also be encouraged with a contextual assumption of normality. The more we treat others according to the norms we would like to follow, the more they will follow these norms" and vice versa. In the sense of the student above if I/we ignored the actions of others what behaviour were we as Kaiako normalising? And when after four disruptions to his 'play', he erupted,  who would be in the wrong? The student who erupted or the students who played a part in his escalated frustration?  If we only listen to one side of the story and assume the outcome to be correct what is the norm we are then allowing?

Taking the time to build cohesion will create our value Manaakitanga, to be a reality for all of our students and mean that school is not a lonely space.

And in my time of grief for my beautiful girl, I know that although she didn't necessarily  fit in, she knew where she belonged! xxx

Sale RIP

Passion

As I reflect this week, I reflect on a number of things; the MOE training, our kaupapa and the our team discussions around the kaupapa.

For me all 3 are affected by the teacher student ratio and the restrictions a high student to teacher ratio can make.

Currently our kaupapa has 86 kids with supposedly 4 kaiako; but due to other commitments we are really working at 3 kaiako and sometimes 2 kaiako due to release.

The group being the developing inquiry (group B) should not be an issue but the starting point for these kids being both lack of idea and lack of understanding of the inquiry format.

In our team discussion a colleague commented as a criticism a group who were making fruit kebabs; how was this inquiry? Unfortunately this was the colleague who was unable to immerse herself in the kaupapa because of other commitments and  this group were in fact the group she had as her check in students.  I understood fully the criticism and know that this was a group I had  found myself working with. This group had lacked self-managing skills and were very distracted initially and this idea had come about by the fact that they had watched another group  I worked with make fruits kebabs as a trial for their cooking inquiry. They were convinced that this was their inquiry and I had to make it happen. And referring to the MOE training became argumentative (escalating) when asked why? as a link to inquiry.

Lacking connection to a passion, an idea and the understanding that kaupapa is immersed in the inquiry process takes time and when there is the impact of a large group.

At times, especially in block 3, when we have 2 kaiako in, it has this sense of babysitting.

I question why I haven't felt like this before as an advocate of inquiry projects. The impact of a hapori is that instead of 25 or 120 (as I have had in the past) there are 250+ akonga that we work with and knowing the students and knowng where they are at with inquiry and their passions are hard. Time invested into these rich conversations is crucial yet harder in the open space and number ratio.

My weeks have focussed on the need for a better student ratio  for learning in an open space and the MOE to recognise this.  I have a huge advocate for learning in ILE but would also am experiencing in my last two kaupapas large numbers  and learners new to the inquiry process.


I know that last year we tried passion projects badly; both due to  the lack of devices and the lack of buy in/knowledge of kaiako to an inquiry process. We instead integrated inquiry into our numeracy and literacy groups with were constant and we were able to know students and work with their plus one.

Something to think about below as we endeavour  to proceed...

CORE top trends

In the past 5 years I have been using the CORE top trends to empower my thinking when  I was feeling a lone wolf. CORE as a company was a refuge for me for the last 5 years through the VPLD mentoring programme   I feel as though I am  eagerly awaiting  the release tomorrow.

I went back and had a look at last years and diversity jumped out at me.

Firstly as a proud moment of me of our hapori team and the changes we are making for our  next kaupapa ako cycle.

The first sentence states 'Designing for difference is impacting the way we organise and govern our societies and prepare for the future.

In reflection our previous kaupapa(s) we were expecting everyone to be able to run the Haeata inquiry process in their space and with the number of akonga that who on paper/physically  their  kaupapa.
We were limiting ourselves/stressing ourselves by making one-size fits for all when in actual fact our akonga were all at different stages of self-managing.

Leading into the parent conferences thinking through the challenging questions we  may receive, I reflected on the impact in particular the environment had on the social learning our akonga have to go through to be able to work in this space. And how we as closing school could not have really prepared them for this space.
I am a huge advocate of these spaces and excited at where we will take it but reflective of the impact these space have on our learning; for example Ruby.
She came to Haeata excited about change, enthusiastic about what she had heard, strong in ability but new to the community. Initially it was a culture shock- swearing, kids behaviour etc but as term 2 has progressed the 'girl' drama has for Ruby overshadowed at times her learning. RKF with her own device had chosen one kaupapa but because of the drama did not want to attend and instead attended another kaupapa at time- work wise did she work on her 'survivor' inquiry or did she work on a 'human rights' inquiry. In her words 'survivor was her favourite kaupapa so far' but was this because of camp  or the actual inquiry??? Socially RKF is struggling at times and prefers to hang with kaiako  at times. When we look at her link-ed are we seeing the best of her her learning or is it influenced/distracted by others.

Having just completed a kaupapa ako with a group that grew immensely throughout due to social connections I felt compromised initially that I wasn't teaching and that very little inquiry (in my gut0 was happening. I went from student led to teacher led (first/then) just to manage this group. Dividing our 50-60 into 3 groups- the independent/digital artists  to Clark; the reserachers/writers to Alicia/Sarah and the digital Maui /Matariki stars to me.
My reflection prompt for this:



So...... so excited after talking with Karyn re PD session last Monday and what we discussed as a hapori as a consequence of this for term 3- dividing the independent and the dependent for kaupapa ako.

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TOD webinar reflection-to be edited- just want for order

During our teacher only day we focussed on building relationships through circle-time, shame and trauma.

Navigating myths and legends-kaupapa ako week 5

Both Clark and I were excited and driven by our kaupapa ako class rather than workshop but reality hit when a big number selected the kaupapa ako (or later selected ) and reality hit.

Resources were initially an issue especially the digital programme and release. When Clark had release it was just me, Erana, Paul and 53 kids. My word reflection was compromise- with my twitter chat being just that: I felt that I was compromising teaching with managing- just the roll took 10 minutes within the open space, implications of facebook, level one learners needing time and not being able to give it and then... I felt that I was working with  new learners  who I hadn't worked with before.

It was a relief to have a reliever aligned (thanks Karyn!) but communication is crucial to make this successful and Alisha catered well for Sani but I was left with 52 which is challenging.

Accountability became a major element and I used google classroom comment - to record where they were at I was able to record and group the learners o make it more manageble. Once working with Clark I clarified my thinking for managing was he can be creator (every session there was some new resource) and I will manage the groups. A spreadsheet assisting further