The pressure today to be perfect is high and detrimental for many. This morning as I pack my bags on our Wellbeing trip to move from Sydney to Melbourne I stopped to engage with this segment on the Today Show.
Perfectionism as a barrier for wellbeing was first brought to my attention at the Pause, breath, smile mindful training I did last year. On the course were a number of staff from Selwyn House who were trying to address the impact of stress caused by the girls' need to be perfect; perfect marks, perfect feedback, gratification that I'm perfect.
Is perfectionism just an implication of comparison and not the strength of oneself? The result of standardisation testing, national standards and impact of social media
Is the impact of comparison the focus we look at: being proud of ourselves and where we are at now?
Like what Dr Paula Robinson reaffirmed my thinking towards the focus being on the process rather than the outcome.
Today's segment - Georgie with a mother and expert Dr Judith Locke (Clinical Psychologist:
Wanting to be perfect comes from others one-upmanship, shaming or judging - ditch the pursuit of perfectionism and be 'good enough' which is itself hard enough- ok to also drop the ball.
A measure of a parent's success is how their kids turnout- a parent's greatest project- but implication of individualisation
Judith Locke: "Being perfect is impossible" Falling short brings forth the emotion of guilt.
daunting - too much short-term info about making the child happy & successful & important that if a parent is not at the school event your child is not doing it for you their audience but for themselves.
Be open and acknowledge the struggles and vulnerability and remove the competition to mothers' groups.
Judith's KEY to pratice:
-Each day how have I helped my child help themself?
-allow your child to face more challenges, (builds resilience), take responsibility and to not be subserviant (doormat) so your child respects you.
-be 'present'- slowly step back - but arms open allow own person- know there - apart but realsie you are their for support/
-Not there to be the child's friend but as their parent
-LET THEM BE!
A bumpy ride is ok
Totally makes sense for teachers too!
PROVOCATION to my thinking?
Does my wanted focus on self-actualisation (reaching my potential) need to include the comparison of others to be perfect?
Do zones of proximal development limit Äkonga?
